It all started when I was a young child riding my bicyle while listening to Karen Carpenter on my transister radio and singing along. I memorized all the words and melodies to her songs and would sing them over and over again. Music always struck a deep chord inside me and helped me to express feelings that were difficult to feel on the surface. If I was sad or lonely, I'd listen to the melancholy songs that would help me to feel the lonliness and cry. If I was feeling happy or silly, I'd listen to the music that would help me to laugh and be playful. Somehow, music seemed to magically transport me directly to my heart and soul helping me to bipass my thoughts and intellect. This proved to be a very effective tool for healing when I became an adult and realized I was an alcoholic with a lot of emotional baggage I'd apparently been carrying around since my childhood.

During High School I loved John Denver's music and was excited to find out that most of his songs were written in a simple chord language that I was capable of learning how to play. I received my first guitar as a birthday gift from my best friend and started to pick and strum my way to learning all the basic chords necessary to sing and play most of John Denver's music. It was the gateway for me to eventually start writing songs of my own. However, for many years I sang and played guitar for wedding ceremonies, various special occassions, and family parties but the desire to write my own music never really crossed my mind.

In my early thirties, I became aware of a deep depression I felt inside and though I managed to hide it from my friends and family, I turned more and more to alcohol to medicate the pain. Through a rather long process of soul searching, therapy, and just plain getting honest with myself, I came to realize that I was an adult child of an alcoholic and I also had become an alcoholic. I started going to 12 step meetings and one day at a time my life became more manageable as I regained a sense of who I was and what I needed to change in order to be at peace with myself.

The first song I ever wrote was "Heart to Heart" which was suggested by my sponsor as an exercise to help heal the woundedness I experienced in the relationship with my mother. It was so helpfu in allowing me to express my true feelings that I would find myself singing it over and over again until I would move past the emotion to a level of acceptance. Somehow the music would get me out of my head and into my heart, giving me the freedom to grieve the loss of something I so desperately longed for, but never received. A common theme among several of my songs is the many conflicting emotions related to the relationship I had with my mother.

The first CD "Heart to Heart" reflects some of the emotions of growing up in a very dysfunctional family system.The songs speak generically about issues of letting go, control, spirituality, depression, love and loss.Though the CD contains the very first song I wrote to my mother called "Heart to Heart", the title of the CD was actually used to represent my thoughts and feelings revealed in the music being sent from "my heart to yours". It took great courage to release these very emotional songs to the public. I felt very naked and exposed, and it was an exercise in faith and hope that somehow the music would help others in their healing process, and thereby provide a purpose to my pain.

The second CD "Into the Light" is a much more up close and personal look at the process of healing from repressed memories of abuse. Little did I know when I had the first of many flashbacks which revealed secrets from my past, that I was about to embark on a most incredible journey. Many of the songs were written from a very young place inside me so you will hear the sound of a little girl thoughout this CD. The music written during that phase of my life was truly miraculous in helping me to heal the deep wounds that were created by the abuse. The process was undeniably overwhelming at times, but the end result was such an amazing gift. I truly believe that there is no gain without pain, and my experience tells me that the depth of the pain that we are willing to go to, is directly proportional to the depth of the peace, love and wholeness that awaits us on the other side.

The most current release titled "Living in the Light" is a collection of songs that touch on many of the issues I've dealt with since my last recording over 10 years ago. They express love, loss, grief, fear, gratitude, searching, seeking, longing, deep introspection, peace, forgivenes, letting go, miracles, hope, committment, prayer, joy and healing. As stated in the twelfth step, "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all of our affairs."

When you consider the big picture, you can see clearly that from the very first song I wrote to the present, I have been in a process of moving from living in the darkness to living in the light. It has been an incredible journey of which I am very greatful for and am accepting of the fact that this journey will continue for the rest of my life. It is my sincere intent in sharing these very personal songs with you that perhaps the words and melodies will enable you to hear and feel what is deep inside of you and provide a channel for further growth in your own recovery.

Sincerely,
Judie